


I would love you (if you let me)

by orphan_account



Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, New Relationship, Romance, Slow Burn, brief mentions of violence (neverseen scenes), my version of book 9, sophie and fitz break up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:48:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23367217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Someone who loves you won't care what everyone else thinks.Or, Sophie is stuck in an angsty moment and doesn't know what to do about Fitz. Keefe is there, as always, wearing his heart on his sleeve. Sophie is oblivious. **As always. Contains Legacy spoilers**
Relationships: I will add more as I decide, Sophie Foster & Keefe Sencen
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	I would love you (if you let me)

**Author's Note:**

> This work would not be possible without my beta, Kylie. She doesn't have ao3 but she's pretty amazing and I heart her. Also, this fic is set right after Legacy, except Keefe doesn't go into a coma and Oralie doesn't talk about the Cache.

Sophie stared down at the paper in front of her, trying to blink back tears. There was no use. She’d never find him, and Fitz would never want to be with her, and even though their talk in the healing center kind of set her mind at ease, it wasn’t enough. The dark circles under her eyes were worse than they ever had been. 

“Foster?” Keefe asked, not even bothering to knock on the door before he marched into her room.

“Sorry,” Sandor said, coming in right after him, sword drawn. “I tried to stop him.”

Sophie shook her head. “It’s fine.” She looked at Keefe, who’s expression was full of worry. “What’s wrong with you?”

Keefe gave her a confused look, his eye blue eyes piercing her. She could see the worry in them, and the second he hesitated to say anything, she felt her stomach drop with dread.

Another death. Another battle lost. Another fight lost. Ever since the battle in the Dwarven Capital, there’d been non-stop attacks across the lost cities. Lady Gisela and Vespera seemed intent on proving that there was no escape, and no one was safe.

Except for her and her friends- they’d been surprisingly quiet on that front, choosing to fight the powerless instead of Sophie and her friends. 

“Nothing’s wrong with me. What’s wrong with you?” He asked, sitting down on the edge of her bed next to her. A little closer than usual. And- she wasn’t that opposed to it. Something had passed between them and she didn’t feel awkward about the space, or lack thereof, between them. 

“Oh. Nothing.” He obviously didn’t buy it, because he yanked the paper she was awkwardly sitting on out from under her. She reached to grab it back, but her hand brushed his face in the process, and she couldn’t help but fight back a blush. 

No. No, she didn’t. She couldn’t. She’d barely broken up with Fitz, and there was nothing between them. They were friends. Best friends. Closer than best friends. And there was no possible way they could be anything more. She was supposed to end up with Fitz. And he was supposed to end up with Biana. There shouldn’t be anything besides friends.

“Another list? Foster, is this about the Fitzter?”

“What? No!” She grabbed the paperback, this time crumpling it up and throwing it up in the trash. 

“-Because if it is, you should know he feels bad. But he shouldn’t be pressuring you to do something that you don’t want to do.”

“He’s not. I need to find my biological parents.”

“And what are you supposed to do with it? You can’t tell anyone, not the matchmakers. So what’s the point?”

She sighed, and leaned back onto the bed, squeezing her eyes tight and trying not to cry as she looked at all the lights on her ceiling. “I know.”

“Then why are you doing it?”

She shrugged. Shaking her head and not looking at him in the eye. “I’m not sure. It’s not something I need to know and it’s taking away from the project, isn’t it?” 

“I mean, if you want to know, then you should find it out. Screw the black swan, you’re allowed to be selfish sometimes.”

“It just feels so frivolous, to be so concerned with my love life, when really, there are hundreds of people and elves out there every day, dying, and I should be able to fix it. I’m the moonlark-“

“And so what? You’re allowed to decide you don’t want to take part in it. That’s what everyone else our age is doing.”

“Yeah, but they’re not the moonlark. They weren’t designed to end this war. I was.”

“This isn’t really about matchmaking, is it?” Keefe asked, pulling her up and into his side, so his arm was around her waist, barely touching her soft tunic, and her head was resting on his arm. Which was warm and soft and comforting, and it made her want to melt. 

She stopped her thoughts again, focusing on the question, and forcing herself to lie. “Of course it is. I’m just worried about Fitz.”

“Don’t worry about him. He’ll get over himself.”

“That’s the thing, he shouldn’t have to. He should be able to be with someone who’s easy, who’s perfect, who doesn’t have a whole army of bad guys trying to kill her.”

Keefe didn’t say anything. She looked up at him, waiting for him to say something. But all he was doing was biting his lip. 

“He deserves better than me, y’know? And frankly, I don’t know why he’s so intent on chasing me. I know he’s hanging onto an ideal and I don’t know why he can’t see that part. That we’re not meant to be. Because if we were, surely all this matchmaking stuff would be a whole lot easier, right?” 

Again, he didn’t say anything. She got up from the bed, pacing her room. 

“It’s just. We weren’t going to work out. He’s so perfect. And I’m the farthest thing from it, a walking disaster, and shouldn’t be looking for a boyfriend at all right now. We’re in a freaking war. And I’m here, in my room, obsessing about a boy, when really, I should be obsessing about our next move to strike against the Neverseen! Why can’t I get that into my head?”

A beat passed, and finally, he said something. “Really Foster. If he actually cares about you, they won’t care about how much of a disaster you are. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re a disaster. I think you’re pretty amazing. And if he can’t see that, then he’s not worth your time.”

She felt her face go into flames, especially when he glanced up at her. Making eye contact- no, he wasn’t making eye contact. He was looking, right below her eyes? At her nose? “Do I have something on my face?” She asked, self consciously reaching to rub her nose. 

Keefe sighed exasperatedly. “No, Foster, you look perfect,” he said, moving back a little bit. Sophie hadn’t realized how close they were, or that he’d stood up off the bed. Her cheeks flamed red again. 

No matter how many times Fitz complimented her, telling her that she was beautiful and smart or a bazillion other things that she should have appreciated, it was different coming from Keefe. It seemed like he meant it. Not like he was just saying it because it seemed like he should say it. It didn’t feel forced.

He reached for her hand, and she fought the urge to pull away. But the look on his face was something she couldn’t place and deep down, it seemed like whatever she was feeling. A mess of things that she probably shouldn’t be feeling when Fitz was just a light leap away, ready to be told that she was ready to date him again. 

Would she ever be? Would she be ready to hand over her life to be apart of the Vacker Legacy for good, to face a life left in the spotlight? Could anyone truly be ready to do that?

And would she be ready to deal with Fitz, all of his anger and blaming and toxicity for the rest of her life, when there seemed like there would be no escape from it? Could she deal with being yelled at, with being blamed? 

Tears started to well up in her eyes but she fought them back, trying to avoid a catastrophe. If Keefe saw her cry, he’d… well, she wasn’t sure what he’d do. She’d cried in front of him before, sure, but there’d always been a reason. This seemed so unimportant and she wasn’t quite sure what he’d think. 

“Thanks,” She mumbled, staring down at her brown leather boots. He gave her a half-smile. 

“Look. It’s not my place, to get in between my two best friends' relationship.” He looked like he was about to say something else. “That being said, Fitz is being unreasonable. You not wanting to register for the match- regardless of the reason- isn’t something that he can control, regardless of how it affects him. If he’s that concerned about it, then he should go find someone that is less complicated.”

“What?” Sophie said, this time, tears were welling up in her eyes. She turned away from him. 

“Sophie-” He reached for her arm, but she yanked it away. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that he shouldn’t care. And if he does, then he’s not right for you. I know I’ve said that seven times in the past ten minutes. But it’s true. Someone who loves you- no, likes you at all- won’t care about what everyone else thinks.”

“So you think he should break up with me?”

“I thought you already were broken up?”

“We are. I think. Or on a break. I’m not sure.”

“I think you should talk to Fitz.”

He was right, and she knew it. That didn’t make the idea that Fitz would be better off with someone else any easier. 

“I don’t want to see you get hurt.” His voice was barely above a whisper, and she almost thought she’d imagined it. 

“I’m sorry,” She whispered, even quieter than he’d been. He pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her waist and squeezing. She was pretty sure she couldn't breathe, and she wasn't sure if it was because she was nervous or because he was squeezing too hard.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. The next chapter is already in the works as I write this!


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